Tuesday, December 16, 2014

"Why Do You Blog?"

I recently told a friend about my blog and one of the first things he asked me was, why do you blog? I could not think of an answer, not a single one. Why do I blog? Is it really just to write? Because I can do that any where, in a paper journal or even in a word document. Do I blog for my readers? Not really, I mean I post about love and anxiety in the hopes that someone relates to it, but for the most part I post what I want to write about. 

After thinking about this all weekend - literally, I haven't been able to get the thought out of my head I came up with a few different reasons. 
  •  become a better writer, I'm not sure blogging has necessarily helped me become a better writer but it definitely has broaden my writing imagination. When I was in high school and early college, all I wrote about (in spiral notebooks and composition books) was love. I would write about the guys I'm dating, the guys I'm falling for and the guys that are breaking my heart. But now I cover any topic that literally comes to mind. Love, of course, family and friends, adventures in San Diego and traveling, how to's and diy's, rarely a recipe, and other topics.
  • taught me to say "yes," blogging about my weekends and adventures give's me a reason to say yes more often when I'm invited places. Saying yes isn't just an excuse to prove to myself that I'm working through my anxiety, living my life to the fullest regardless of my anxiety. Saying yes has helped with one post a week about what I did over the weekend or outings with my friends.
  • blogging friends, thanks to blogging I've made friends all over the country! Primarily Rachel from Jersey/Philly, Lindy from North Carolina, and Jordyn from Seattle - love these girls and their blogs.
  • I genuinely like writing, I've written books and in journals since I was a kid. Blogging seems to have become the next step within my generation; instead of physical diaries with a lock and key, it's all about typing out what you have to say and using your voice. 
  • to document my life, I have a horrible memory. Half the time I can't remember what I wore last week to class and stress myself out hoping I'm not re-wearing an outfit, the other half I can't remember why I walked into a certain room for or if I'm scheduled to work the next day. Blogging about my life helps me remember all the moments I'd never want to forget.
There's so many reasons to love blogging (making money and building your writing self confidence are a couple more benefits) and there's tons of articles on why you should be a blogger - having a journal (public or private) is a healthy habit. For me, being able to get thoughts out of my head and placed somewhere gives me a chance to breathe considering my brain is in a none stop thought-motion-commotion!

Friday, December 12, 2014

Mother's Wisdom

The other day I had a conversation with my mom, about how a coworker/friend of mind may have asked me on a date (he asked if us hanging out this weekend was a date - I said "I don't know, is it?" [because you know, I'm just great at killing romantic moments] and his response was "I don't know."). When I told her I'm not sure I want to date him because if it ended badly it could be awkward at work and between our mutual friends. She immediately asked, why is it that with every guy you date you think it's going to end badly? (side note: I didn't think it was going to end badly with J, but it did.)

I couldn't come up with an answer. It's not like I grew up around disastrous love or a broken family. My parents have been together for twenty-four years. Sure, they've had their fair share of arguments and a difficult rough patch when I was in high school. But if anything, that taught me marriage takes patience and effort. Which isn't a bad thing, all good things take time and effort. Writing a book, relationships, cooking dinner, even training your dog take time and effort. 

So, what is it about heart break that's so scary? What is it about relationships that are so scary? Is it really just fear of heart break? Of loosing someone you love? Obviously heart break hurts, every girl knows that. But falling in love is completely worth the heart break. I'm pretty broken right now, I'm not afraid to admit that. The guy I fell for has moved on, it hurts, but I know I'll find someone new to fall for, eventually.

Maybe it'll be my coworker or the boy next door or someone I haven't even met, but I know I'll move on. It hurts to say but I know it's true. On the other hand, that doesn't answer any of my questions! Why am I so afraid of relationships and heart break? I've been through a few relationship and twice the amount of heart breaks. When I'm hurting, the last thing I want to hear is there's more fish in the sea, it's the last thing I want to even think about. All I want is to rewind and freeze in the most genuine of moments; the hand holding, the facetime "I miss you"'s, the piggy back rides and tender nose kisses. Those are all the things I'm going to miss - I do miss. But I know deep down that I'll have it again. 

So why?! I'm still not answering my own questions. I know how I'm supposed to feel and what I should do but why is it so hard to actually move on? Why is it so hard for my heart to agree with my head, for my heart to understand when one door closes another will open?

When I answered my mom with an I don't know, she laughed. She found it ridiculous that someone my age can't handle heart break. She reminded me of the heart breaks I had in high school, how I thought I'd never move on it was the end of the world for me. But then told me to "look at you now" I've clearly moved on, sure my heart is hurting, but if it was truly the end of the world and I was going to give up on love, than I wouldn't have moved on to any of the other guys I've liked or fallen for. 

Clearly I don't have an answer to any of the questions I've written out, I'm scared, it's that simple. I know the process of falling for someone is clearly worth the end result, good or bad. I just wish it were easier to say I'm going to move, I will be fine. 

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Am I Right?

I love watching the VS Fashion Show. Like most people in this beautiful country, we can't get enough of Alessandra and Adriana, personally I love Behatiti and Lily! Getting to see all the behind the scenes with the girls telling you about how they started with VS or whatever topic it's about - you can see how absolutely genuine these girls are.

What I don't understand is why everyone hates on them? This is their job, it's there job to look skinny and "perfect." Being those two things is basically their uniform, so why are so many people judging them? If your career choice is to be an accountant, I'm assuming you wouldn't want people to judge you on wearing business casual every day to work, am I right? If your career choice is to be a nurse, I'm assuming you wouldn't want anyone to judge you by your scrubs, am I right? Or what about if your career choice is to be a US Marine or Navy Seal, I'm assuming you wouldn't want anyone judging you on your uniform, am I right? 

So why do people judge these girls on their career choice? On their career choice to have a job that depends on materialistic beauty. Who should honestly give a damn, but the girls who made the decision to have one of the coolest yet materialist jobs in the entire world? Does it truly matter to you so much, what someone (who you will probably never meet) does for a living? Uniform and all. These women are mothers, daughters, friends, wives and so much more. So why can't you leave them the hell alone to do the best they can in the career of their choice, just like I'm assuming you do the best you can in the career of your choice. 

Something else I don't understand is if it bothers you so much why do you watch the show? If the skinniness and beauty of these girls bothers you so much why do you buy from Victoria's Secret? And as for myself, someone who has a fast metabolism, eats healthy, and likes to work out - don't go around being mean. Stop saying these women are anorexic and have eating disorders, they don't. Some may, I wouldn't doubt the job comes with struggles. Just like every other jobs does; accountants have one of the highest arrest and suicide statistics, can't think of anything negative for a nurse other then having to clean up old people's poop and caring for sick or screaming kids, and there's so many people who are for or against the US Armed Forces. 

If you're happy with your body, why judge them on theirs? If you're not happy, then do something positive about it, and talking crap about other women clearly does nothing. It may make you "feel better" about yourself, but at the end of the day you look the same, inside and out. 

I'm not trying to be mean, and I'm not trying to convince you to watch or don't watch the show, I'm not trying to do anything other then get people to shut up and think about what they're saying. These women have feelings too, just like all the little girls who are called fat and grow up to have eating disorders or become even unhealthier as they eat their feelings. All I'm trying to say is there's a reason our mothers and teachers taught us "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." Am I right?

Monday, December 8, 2014

Wednesday Recap

 This weekend was pretty unpostable, I didn't do much other then study for finals next week, work and finally start my Christmas shopping! I've kicked three and a half presents off of my list, a half because I got a key chain for a friends but I'm definitely getting her another little something something. I honestly have no idea what that something something is, but I'll figure something out - something good.

So, if you were here within the last few days and checked out THIS post, then here's the recap from Trevor's birthday on Wednesday! Storm Carolyn stuck around as she promised, giving us a nice long couple days to cuddle up and watch movies. After a day on the couch, we (me, Trevor, B, Heather and Josh) headed down to Bub's in PB for Wings Wednesday. Hung out there for literally five hours! Friends came and went, and Trevor got pretty hammered for his 29th birthday - over the hill jokes were a must through the night. 

I also mentioned on Thursday I'd do my best to get an ootn picture, so I did - a dirty bar mirror picture at it's best! I grabbed a picture of how short I am versus a mirror that I'm sure is placed at the average height. 

Sweater, Old Navy | Shorts, Selena Gomez's Dream Out Loud | Black and Golf tights, Target | Knee socks, Target | Boots, Tilly's | Necklace, Target | Purse, PINK 

 Thursday after class, Trevor, Freddie and I went tree shopping and got this beauty of a noble fir from Home Depot! Of course they wouldn't let go of the fact that "back home" for them, Boston for Trev and Ireland for Fred, they'd cut down their own trees. Whoop-de-do, this year you get to buy your tree from a parking lot in flip flops! Enjoy the high 60's December we've so far had. But oh wait, we're having another rain storm coming at us Monday through Tuesday! Woot woot!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Finally a Rainy Day

Storm Carolyn has run her course through Southern California, LA and Orange County getting most of her wrath. Luckily, San Diego did get a chance to meet her Tuesday, we got actual rain throughout the entire day, and by rain I don't mean the usual sprinkles or five minute rain showers or heavy rain through the night. I mean rain, legit rain, it rained most of the afternoon giving us a cold and cloudy day. And I loved it. 

You should be reading this on Thursday because I've scheduled this Wednesday morning before heading down to PB for Trevor's birthday. I'll post pictures (if I take any) next Monday as a weekend recap. As you're reading this I'll hopefully be Christmas tree shopping with him for Home 2.0. I'm so excited! I'll be decorating two houses for Christmas this year! 

But back to the rain - here's my ootd for Tuesday. If I get any shots of my ootd for the Wednesday/Thursday (since that's the prediction of how long Storm Carolyn's planning on hanging around) I'll be sure to post them Friday!

Jacket, Target | Sweater, Old Navy | Leggings, Cotton On | Boots, Bongo
Ring will be available in my etsy shop soon!