Wednesday, March 25, 2015

When Are You Truly Ready?

When do you know you're truly ready to give an old love a second try? How do you know if it's even the right thing to do? People say, you should never go back to some whose hurt you, are they right? It sounds right, but what's right in the name of love? Why does love bring along so many damn questions?

It may sound idiotic; you're heart was broke, why go back to the one that caused that? 

But I can't hold myself back from love anymore. I've ended things, good things, with guys so many times out of pure terrifying fear of getting hurt. I always play the same old game, hurt him before he hurts me - or hurt myself by numbing my feelings for him until the next guys comes around, and then the cycle continues. But, there's something about this guy. 

There was something in the way his eyes watched me, something in the way his hands held me, and something about him I haven't been able to let go of six months later. 

There was some kind of love there, the stereotypical-undescribable-safe-and-comfortable kind of love. The kind of love I read in books and see in movies, the kind of love that cynics don't believe in. Or, at least, the beginning of that kind of love. There's something in my gut shouting at me that there's something there. 

I've had my gut tell me to leave too many times; it senses he's not a genuine guy, he'll be a cheater, he's just not my type, he's too this or too that, he's too sweet to be true, he's too perfect to be true... but never with this guy. My gut told me, continuously, not to give up. My gut told me to love.

So how do I know if it's okay to go back to a guy that once broke my heart? How do I know if it's the right thing to do? Am I supposed to listen to people's advice from their own experiences, or follow my gut and experience the love (and the potential pain) for myself?

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Mr. and Mrs. Muñoz

This weekend was the wedding I had mentioned here and here. It was down in Rosarito, Mexico and it was not only insanely fun but absolutely beautiful as well! The wedding was formal so everyone was super dolled up and fancy-shmancy. I got to wear this incredible blue dress that my aunt said made me look like a mermaid - best compliment all night! Enough of my chit-chat, just check out these awesome picture of my good looking family and a stunning wedding!

Third-wheeling with my brother and his girlfriend.
Of course my eyes are closed in the only picture I took with my brother! 
The most incredible view.  
Mr. and Mrs. Muñoz
Mexican sunset
A bit blurry, but still a beauty. 
Is it just me or is the chandelier absolutely stunning?! 
Me and my momma!  

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

St. Paddy's Day Recap

So, on a far brighter note (compared to my last post) here's my St. Paddy's Day recap! I know I'm a bit late, considering I probably should've posted this Wednesday morning instead of late Wednesday afternoon, but oh well. We didn't even make it to breakfast until about 11:30am! After that, I was running around town trying to find a dress for this weekend's wedding in Rosarito - not my wedding, obvi I'm insanely single, but my cousin's wedding

St. Paddy's Day started off getting some sun, after a beautiful week of temperatures in the 80's we headed down to the bay and laid out for a bit. Under bright blue skies and white sand on a man-made bay. This is the first year I've ever actually celebrated St. Paddy's Day, if anything I'll throw on some green to keep myself from getting pinched but since now I have two really good friends from Ireland, it's time I celebrated too!  


After the beach, we headed down to Bub's for some drinks and food. We didn't stay long, just grabbed a couple ciders and some chips and dips, watched the bartenders run around with green beers and listened to some great Irish music. 

Oh and Trev will probably hate me for posting this (although he'll most likely never see this), but he started tearing up when he was showing off pictures of his new puppy Raskal. He's the cutest little golden lab ever and I can't wait 'til he brings the little pooch home in a couple weeks so I can show him off on here!

And then we ended the day off at Mike's house party. Well, most of us ended the night there, playing beer pong and flip cup, while others set off to bar crawl for the rest of the night. But for me, since it'd been a long and rough weekend, I headed home with a few others and went to bed. 

For my first official St. Paddy's Day, it was pretty damn great. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Words Unsaid

What I would say to my friends, if only they'd understand. 

I'm completely comfortable and fine with being the sober friend, being the designated drive, the babysitter and everything responsible in between. After a year of me doing just that, you should understand that it comes like second nature to me. Even when I'm drunk, I make sure you've all closed out your tabs and get in the cabs, I make sure we get Mexican food to sober you up a bit and I do my best to get you to drink water with your food. I try to get you to fall asleep on your side or stomach and any other well-known "to-do" if your friends are drunk and you want them to keep from choking on their own vomit (aka, alive).

I may be over reacting, maybe I'm not. But y'all are still alive aren't you? ;)

Now, onto something you didn't quite realize until the other night. Maybe you did realize my feelings when I came home and almost started crying when I realized what you were doing. Maybe you realized my feelings when you heard me yelling at T or D for bring it about or starting it. Maybe you realized my feelings when you heard T saying he could see the disappointment in my eyes and I didn't deny it. 

Maybe you should've realized it when I asked you (all) to let me know ahead of time so that I wouldn't come out and have to watch this all happen. So that I wouldn't come out and have to take care of you, holding back my anxiety and instinct to run into the bathroom and hide from the world and my anxieties. But I couldn't, I couldn't run away until I made sure you were safe, all of you. When one of you isn't allowed into the bar, I'll take you next door and make you drink an entire water bottle, I'll hold back by chill of nausea and dread when you tell me your heart is pounding a mile a minute, I'll yell at the other for asking me for the millionth time to do it to and that I can't hate it until I've tried it. I'll do my best to get another one home when he's too drunk to rationalize why he's mad at his roommates, and I'll hop in the cab and leave when he decides not to leave and sit outside and wait for the rest of the gang.

Hoping in the car and heading home in the opposite direction of everyone else was my only way to avoid having an anxiety attack. I was scared and didn't know how to handle it. 

If I could tell you, you can drink all you want and smoke all the weed in the world (not all at once obviously) and I wouldn't mind, I wouldn't get mad and I really wouldn't care. I can handle you drunk, stoned out of your mind, and blacked out. I've handled you all on separate levels, while I'm sober or drunk. But this, Monday night scared me. 

And I don't know how to tell you that.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

My Top Workout Routines

Lately, I've actually had motivation to workout - even though my thighs always end up killing me for the next few days. Going down stairs or ramps feels like absolute hell, but in the back of my mind I'm happy knowing I'm being active and healthy again. It's all thanks to Pinterest, having a food ("comida" in Spanish) board filled with healthy snacks and smoothies gave my appetite a longing for exercise and my "torture" board gave me a handful of reasons, aka workouts that looked interesting enough to try. 

Here's four of my favorite workouts: 

Because I'm too lazy to lay down and workout, I also hate sit-ups and crunches. Stand up ab workouts? Heck yes. 

This workout routine is perfect, obviously, for starters. I use it every time I start to get back into shape and found it tumblr. They also have a routine for levels one - three! They're great to get into the habit of routinely working out, plus I always add another workout after the day assigned. (i.e.: shoulders, legs, abs, etc.)

I haven't actually tried this "sexy shoulders" workout, but it's definitely one that I've wanted to try for quite a while! I just haven't bought cute little weights to go along with the workout. 

And last but not least, Alexa Jean Fitness. I absolutely love her at-home workouts, I'm in dire need of a gym membership but working at a restaurant in the winter (and being a college student) brings the phrase broke college student into full force. So, $20 a month? Not just yet honey, I'll take at-home work outs! Check out her workouts, I love her skateboard ones.