Friday, January 30, 2015

Quizzical

See how I was a bit too lazy to do the fashion post I'd promised? Yeah, shame on me, I've grown into the habit of a lazy blogger. But if it makes you feel any better, it wasn't nearly as cold as I dressed for.  Karma. I had leggings with knee high socks, rain boots, a cozy sweater with my thickest scarf and a jean jacket, I even had a beanie in my backpack incase I got colder as the day went on - nope, I broke a sweat at least twice trying to get to my car as quickly as possible. 

But enough about school! Tomorrow is Friday, I'm off, it's pay day, let's throw a party! Let's jump into an old habit, one that has nothing to do with fashion but has everything to do with how I used to blog; lists. And thanks to Erin, I've got a list all about me today! 

1. Something you will...
  • refuse to do for the rest of your life: let my anxiety get the better of me. I refuse to hold back or keep myself from experiencing anything in this world just because the anxiety part of me is scared of doing something. 
  • always do forever: have flowers in the house. They may remind some people of funerals or some people might not like having them around because they die, but I love flowers and having them in the house brightens the place in a subtle and beautiful way.
source

2. Something you think...
  • certifiably disgusting: feet. They never grossed me out until my brother got stepped on in soccer, his big toe turn brow then black, had fungus *gag* I hate feet since then. Just keep them on the ground please!
  • absolutely amazing: 
3. A compliment that's made you...
  • feel on top of the world: any and every time some one tells me I have a bright future ahead of me and the two times I've been told I'd be a great mother. 
  • pretty upset: anything condescending, it might be genuine but if it has that tone you can stick it up your ass.
4. A name you...
  • hate: as weird as it sounds, my parents names. Jose and Patricia, I love my parents but I'm sure I couldn't name my kids after them.
  • love: Clara, Ryan, Sebastian, and Javier. My future husband is going to have to put up a fight to not name our kids the names above. Sebastian will be one of my sons, Javier will be at the very least a middle name, and Ryan will probably be my daughters name (maybe a son), Clara I absolutely love, it all depends on how many kids I have. 
5. Something people say about you that you...
  • know is entirely false: that I look my age. I may exaggerate and say I look like a child, but I can seriously pass for a seventeen or eighteen year old, don't tell me I look twenty-two because you're lying.
  • think is on point: That I look middle eastern, I have all the facial features to literally pass for middle eastern. I've been confused for Chaldean, Kuwaiti, even Turkish and Italian. I'm Mexican and Spanish, promise - I just look middle eastern. 
6.  A taste you...
  • can't stand: it's more a smell than a taste, but the taste(/smell) of fish. I hate, hate, hate, how the smell fills the house while it's being cooked. 
  • can't get enough of: chocolate, pizza, BBQ sauce, tea, salt, cotton candy, avocado, and a nice cold beer. 

7. A song you always...
  • turn off immediately: I honestly can't think of any, probably something by Vampire Weekend - the only song by them I actually like is A-Punk.
  • belt out the lyrics: anything Luke Bryan or Blake Shelton, Weezer or Cage the Elephant or Arctic Monkeys, Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez - yeah, when I mean I listen to pretty much anything, I mean everything. 
8. Animal you...
  • fear: gorillas. Big monkeys freak me out, they're way too much like humans. I hate going into the monkey/ape area in zoos. Gorilla's, orangoutangs, the flat faced one, all of the ones bigger then a spider monkey with huge teeth scare me! I can't even watch Planet of the Apes commercials...
  • need in your life at this moment: a Boxer or English Bulldog.
9. Something you...
  • will never ever eat: squid or octopus. I already rarely eat fish, because fish are friends not food, but I just tried eel this year (it was okay) but it sure isn't happening again!
  • would eat for every meal if you had the chance: pizza is never a wrong answer. 
10. To enhance your looks you...
  • would love to, but probably never result to: boob job. I like being part of the itty-bitty committee, my boobs are pretty awesomely proportional to my body and I love it. But, sometimes I just wish they were a little bigger. 
  • just stick to: mascara and moisturizer. It's all I need to feel clean, simple, and still beautiful. 


 

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Day One Recap

So I'm not totally screwed. I ran into my Globalization class like a bat out of hell, not only was I a few minutes late because I lost track of time while working on a project before class, but I've been dreading this class since I realized about a week ago that it's actually an honors class. I'm f*cked, I'm pretty much a solid B or C student, I haven't taken an honors class since high school and I graduated in 2010. It's safe to say I did not under any circumstance feel okay with the fact that I accidentally signed up for an honors class simply because ratemyprofessor.com told me this teacher would be better and easier than taking the only other option for that particular class. 

But after I ran into class, I found a classmate from last semester and this guy passed last semester with flying colors - I know this because the teacher would always pick on him for being so smart. So, I took the seat next to him and was absolutely terrified for this class to start. Then my teacher bounced into the class and proved he's probably the craziest teacher I've ever taken, and I've taken fashion classes. My experience with fashion and sociology class seems to prove there really is a nutty professor and there's more then one and they teach both subjects. 

After he walked around and talked about the semester, how we're going to have a bi-weekly 2-3 page paper, no exams, and on and on - then suddenly, I got a miracle. My teacher wants us to write critically not the same educationally perfect and professional way most all teachers want you to write. Which should be easy, writing critically anyway, will be easy! I'm a writer; I can over analyze an article and dissect someone else's writing like a motherfucker. 

I'm good at writing my own opinions about anything and everything, hence the general reason for having a blog. 

I did, however, pick the worst time to get out of school. Ending my day at 5:20pm equals heading home during rush-hour traffic on both freeways and side streets! So not only is it going to take my twice the amount of time to get home, but it also takes me twice the amount of time to get to home 2.0 which is actually takes half the amount of time to get to home 2.0 than it takes to get home. If you could understand any of that, props bro, props. 

Now we'll see how Thursday goes, the rainy clouds are already pulling into view and I have a 6 o'clock class that's at a different campus. I have exactly 40 minutes to get from one campus to another, wish me luck! And let's pray, if I need to drop out of this night class due to traffic and parking delays, that I don't jeopardize my chances at transferring to university - because that would probably kill me, literally. I have no idea what I'd do if I'm stuck at JC for another effing semester.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Asserting My Assertiveness

What is it about getting older that's suddenly made me far more assertive? Is it the recent break up from a guy that wanted an assertive girl? Is it the extrovert in me clawing its way out? Or perhaps it's just that my loyalty to my friends is far greater then my scared little introverted self. Whatever it is, I'm welcoming it with open arms.

I feel more myself lately. When I'm with the few people in my life where I can be 100% me, I have way more fun. I can poke fun at myself and be confident. Stand up for myself, my opinion, my thoughts, without worrying what others think or how dumb I may look. 

I'm actually expressing my feelings now. I usually tend to do my absolute best to hide how I'm feeling. Keep the bright smile on, hide my emotions, and wait until I get home or out of the situation to vent it out to someone - or sometimes this blog. But recently, I haven't given two shits about whether or not I should hide my feelings versus showing them to get my opinion across. 

For example: letting everyone know that our new uniforms at work look like flight attendants from Disney's Aladin, answering that I'm not okay but that I will be if you give me a second to breathe, not wanting to go out because I just don't, or going out because I need to blow off steam, not wanting to work with someone because she's a conniving B-word, or skipping out on a group lunch date because I don't want to hang out with a condescending frenemie. 

And those are just a few, my filter and barriers are going down when I'm with my friends and they actually like me this way. Which I guess is what I was, and what others are, scared of. The whole judgment and rejection concepts drive us so crazy that we typically hide bits and pieces of ourselves from people we love. But why? If someone is truly your friend they should love you for all of you, and if they don't they should have the decency of being nice when you're getting on their nerves. Or is that just me?

I'm blossoming and I'm not really sure where it's coming from, not that I'm really questioning it or trying to send it back to where it came from, I'm just curious. Yes, I know, curiousity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back! 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Over Thinking Is Inevitable

It feels so weird, I feel like I have nothing to say, yet there's so much going on in my life. How is that even possible? How is it possible that, as a writer, I can't write. I can't bring myself to write about what's going on in my day to day life like I used to. I can't bring myself to talk about my etsy shop, school, my love life, or my friends. Weekend recaps have become rare, even though I don't do much on weekends anymore, I can at the very least bring up a week recap to go over everything I am going through. I'm not even doing any fashion posts, which defeats the purpose of having "a fashion + lifestyle blog" in my banner.

So what's wrong? This is a type of writer's block I've never encountered. I have everything in my head, the words and thoughts, swirling about and trying to surface, but there's also something literally blocking them. There's something in me that won't let me write - and it's driving me pretty damn crazy. I'm in my head enough as it is, but hoarding up all of my thoughts, stressors, day dreams, and problems, is going to drive me crazy.

Here goes nothing:
  • my etsy shop: SoCal'd Mermaid - where I sell starfish hair clips and other ocean / SoCal inspired accessories. I'm looking into starting a tee shirt line and possibly adding some home decor, but this is hard stuff to start. Trying to find the right tees (made in USA preferred), making prints or finding the right fabric, is time consuming; and as for the home decor, trying to find a lumber yard that'll give me cheap or free scrap wood really shouldn't be too hard, I just haven't had the time to do it. 
  • school: I'm starting hopefully my last semester in JC next week, and not only am I freaking over the fact that it should be (pray to the Lord) my last semester there but I'm also taking an honors course and an online class - I hope I don't get my ass kicked, studying will take over my life, without a doubt. 
  • my love life: is non-existent at the moment. I can't figure out my feelings for one guy. I know there's something there, there's something between us that I can't quite figure out, and it's driving me nuts. Some days I'm on cloud 9 and others I see him as solely a great friend. If I could figure out my feelings for him I could either pursue it or drop it. Fight for it or move on. 
  • my friends: this is a topic I absolutely dread to over analyze. It's inevitable that my friends and I are going to go our separate ways this year. If Heather doesn't find a better paying job she's leaving back to Ireland in February, Brendan is planning on leaving in September to either travel the world or go home to do his masters, and Trev is (thankfully) staying in San Diego, he's just thinking about moving to a different area - which isn't bad, I'll still have him around. But that all makes me feel like complete crap, I love all of them so much and don't want them to leave. Which is obviously incredibly selfish because my life (if I attend SDSU in the fall) has always been in and is staying in San Diego, but my friends aren't from here. And come September, when Brendan and Trev move out of their little apartment that I've now come to see as my second home, they're all going to be following out the plans they've set for their lives, and I won't step in the way of that. 
source
There's so much this year is offering me. So much that I'm waiting on, hoping, excited for and scared of. There's so much that I'm hardly living in the present. I've never been someone to "live in the moment" or to "live like there's no tomorrow" because there is a tomorrow, I plan and think ahead with everything and anything in my life. I don't know how not to. 

If I weren't afraid of tomorrow, afraid of what's to come next, I'd quit my job and travel. If I weren't afraid of consequences I'd fall in love far more then I already do, I wouldn't be afraid of pain - I'd thrive in the happiness. If I weren't afraid I'd be the woman I want to be.

When I write about my life one here, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of people judging me or of people in my real life finding this little corner of mine (it's weird yes, but I honestly have no idea how many people I actually know that read this), so why am I so afraid of my real life? Of anything that can go wrong? Which is actually the root of my anxiety, whenever I'm in something new I get this run of adrenaline and think of all the possible negative out comes - how do I get out of that habit?


Answer: Therapist. 




Monday, January 19, 2015

Life Lately


Life lately has been a bit hectic. The restaurant I work at was recently renovated and it'll be reopening soon, so our bosses (or heads, as we call them) are literally killing us with the most excruciatingly boring training.  So that's during the day, I work at night, and sleep in on the weekends. These past two weeks have been hectic in the sense of being at work way too much, my mom and bro in Mexico, hanging out at home, and getting ready to start school next week. 

Not hectic in the going out with friends and spending my days at the beach, those days are apparently only really through summer - or so I thought. The pasted two weeks I did absolutely nothing. Which just made me want to knock myself over the head with something heavy, I'm 22 years old and live in PB, how am I not going out on weekends that I have off from work?! It's the grandma in me, but she must've hitch hiked back to Florida, because this Sunday I got to out and relax for a bit.


On Wednesday, I know that's not the weekend, but after training I met up with Sarah for froyo and as I biked down to meet up with her I found this awesome wall! If you're ever in San Diego, PB specifically, it's on Cass and Bayard. Obviously, I had to take a picture with the angel wings! Does this mean I'm a Victoria's Secret Angel now?


Sunday was the inevitable Pats game! I'm a die hard Charger fan, win or lose, but since Trev rooted for the Chargers while they were still in the season, I promised to root for the Pats. And so I did. #PatsBandWagon After the game we all headed down to Miller's Field to watch an MMA fight - and only because one of the fighters was Irish and both Brendan (in the bunny head below) and Heather are Irish, so we had to root for the Irish; duh. He kicked ass and then we headed home.

bunny head did not make an appearance to Miller's Field. 

And that my friends is where my life has been these past few days, I'd apologize for not posting but I'm not really sorry. I haven't had any good content to write about, no diy's or recipes, I haven't ordered any books so I don't even have any more reviews. But I'll come up with stuff soon!