Thursday, March 5, 2015

Taking Stock

Making: A tee shirt line, it's taking longer than I expected and it's far more complex than I thought. 
Cooking: I need to get down to business and cook everything on my food board
Drinking: Kind of obsessed with grape juice.
Reading: Watermelon by Mariah Keyes!
Wanting: On that note... looking into study abroad trips in Ireland. That and a surf board! 
Looking: At this post, a bag of Doritos, and Fixer Upper on my TV.
Playing: Some car insurance commercial.
Wasting: studying time on blogging and pinning. 
Sewing: I haven't sewn anything since last year. 
Wishing: For a surf board, the perfect dress for my cousins wedding, and to get accepted into university for this fall.
Enjoying: This bag of Doritos. 
Waiting: to get ready for happy hour with my mom's coworkers in about an hour. 
Liking: A lot of different things that should probably be an entirely separate post.
Wondering: How crazy my bed head hair probably looks right now. I pulled it out of a bun I slept in and into a braid without looking in the mirror. 
Loving: That one of my best friends that's in Australia gives me love advice while she's on the other side of the planet and still works toward her dream job. 
Hoping: To get accepted into any of the three universities I applied to for the fall, I've been rejected by one already - one down, two to go.
Marveling: At the thought of my friend telling me he loves me "to bits" and that I "mean the world" to him. Having emotional conversations aren't my favorite, but sometimes they bring out the best in people. 
Needing: Money. Real original. - keeping this from Michaela's post.
Smelling: Raid flee spray, can I get high or die from smelling this?
Wearing: The warmest-bestest pink PJ pants Heather gave me for Christmas, a super comfy fleece sweater B gave me for Christmas, and my glasses.
Following: My DVR'd shows, I'm about two weeks behind on all the shows I watch.
Noticing: The love within my friendships, which sounds totally cheesy but like I said - emotional conversations aren't my forte.
Knowing: My future is resting on two letters from universities that I haven't heard from yet. 
Thinking: I need to get up and get ready, I have thirty-one minutes before I have to leave.
Feeling: Lazy, always comfy on this big couch.
Bookmarking: A "44 ways to get you motivated to start working out" or something along those lines, again this couch is seriously comfy. 
Opening: Nothing, should be closing this laptop.
Giggling: At Chip and Joanna Gaines' (from Fixer Upper) cuteness!
Feeling: Like I need to get up and get ready, now.

Found this lovely post from Michaela

Monday, March 2, 2015

Stop Waiting

quote by Hugh Laurie

Waiting until I'm ready for something has been something I've done my entire life. Waiting, patiently. Waiting for God (or what ever other out-of-this-world power is going) to put my life out in front of me, wait for my life to step out into the sun and announce itself. Announce its arrival and see how I handle it, rather than taking my life by the horns, rolling with the punches, grabbing every opportunity I can, and experience as much as life throws at me. 

There's so much in life you have to wait for, without a choice to wait, like getting your acceptance letters from college, your birthday, a holiday, the concert at the end of the month you're going to, or summer vacation to start. 

But there's other you don't necessarily have to wait for, things you can pursue and work for, fight for. Like splurging on that camera you've wanted for a year, paying off your car three months before expected, saying "yes" more often to outings with your friends, taking family vacations, and expressing your feelings not only to those you love but to the one you love. 

For example, some friends and I got into a bit of a random not-argument, because we all agreed on the subject, but more of a discussion about how people use the phrase "I love you" too loosely. I had to agree, but I also admitted to being a total hypocrite. If one of the cooks at the restaurant I work at gives me free food I give them an "I love you," in my defense I do mean it. Not in the sense of in love, but a friendship-grateful love. Another example, when I'm drunk I tend to love everyone. After a night of karaoke we had our Lyft driver drop us off at a taco shop so we can grab some food and then walk home, as Heather and I waited in line for everyone's food a girl came by and started talking to us. Turns out she's Mexican but looks Caucasian, I immediately jumped up and told her about I'm Mexican too but everyone mistakes me for Middle Eastern - when you're all drunk this is a complete revelation (to find another Mexican, fluent Spanish speaker, that's constantly mistaken of being of different ethnicity). By the time we got our food and we were all heading out to leave I gave her a huge hug goodbye and she said "aww, I love you my new Mexican friend," and my immediate response was "I love you too." 

I'll never hear from her again, but that doesn't mean I didn't love her in that spectacularly drunk moment. 
During our discussion over the over-use of the phrase, we came to the conclusion that within your friends you should tell them how you feel. You should tell them "I love you" when you hang up the phone or head home after Taco Tuesday. Because, as cliche as it may sound, what if it's the last time you see them - maybe not as drastic as see them ever again, but what if they get a call and have to head home to mom or dad for a bit, or they get fired and have a friend three hours away offering them a job. Every good-bye may not be the last, but don't you think the people you love should know you love them? 

Wouldn't you want to know how your friend feels about you? Perhaps you look at someone as a best friend but you have no idea that that friend only sees you as a friend, or they see you as more than a friend, wouldn't you want to know? It's such a relief to hear "I love you too" from a friend you love. It's such a relief to have someone you see as one of your best friends take your hand, look you in the eyes, and tell you genuinely that you're one of their best friends too. 

It's scary to think you're friend could see you as more than a friend when you don't think of them that way. The friendship could change, there could be an awkwardness between you, but it's all worth knowing. 

I have a friend that I see as one of my best friends, he's a great guy and I can't picture my life without him. Everyone loves to mention how we'd make a great couple, "two genuinely nice people would make a perfect couple." As true as that may sound to just about anyone, the furthest thing past friendship we've ever done is cuddle - a lot. If I plan on staying at his house the chance of me sleeping with him are very high, sleeping being the operative word. We never kissed or anything, just cuddle or maybe hold hands. But what people don't understand is that we've had "the talk" twice. Once last year when we first started cuddling, we came to the conclusion that neither one of us wanted anything serious, so we left it at that - we filled the void of the empty side of the bed for each other. That's it.

After a year and a half of just being friends, another friends asked me, "seriously, how have you guys not f*cked? You sleep together when you're drunk and nothing happens?" My honest answer, "nothing happens, he said 'no funny business' the first night we slept together and neither one of us has tried anything." She was pretty awestruck by this, so I took it upon myself to clear up the gray space between us. I dtr'd.

And the conclusion is "if things were different, they could be different." Long story short, he's leaving forever at the end of the summer and I may be leaving in a different direction for school, so why hold ourselves to one another if it's not going to last?
I'm not entirely sure where I was heading with this post. It started off as an inspiration to get not only myself but any reader to stop waiting for life to happen, and then it headed into the direction of taking the steps to avoid holding your feelings back because that's basically the same thing as waiting. Waiting for the right moment to tell someone something will never arrive, that moment was long gone the second you thought there would ever be a "right" one. Instead of waiting for a fictional moment, grab life by the hypothetical balls and do what needs to be done.

Whether that be telling someone you love them, dtr-ing with your best friend, finally paying off your credit cards with your tax return, starting a blog, moving away, or whatever it may be; take a hint from Nike and just do it.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Delayed Updates

I think I may just start doing "Week Notes" since I've clearly gotten very lazy when it comes to posting on here! Plus I don't really go out weekends anymore, since my friends and I all work on weekends we go out during the week or not at all. But here's a little update of what I've been up to over the week (and some from last week).

Thursday, my friends over in that one band Grizzly Business had their EP Release party - after being a band for two years, 'bout time guys! Anyway, it was a really fun night at Soda Bar in North Park and finally getting my hands on a copy of their songs is a plus! Check them out, here

Saturday, mommy dearest and I went to my cousin's tea party themed bridal shower and it was the cutest thing! I'm absolute in love with the tea party theme, they had vintage couches and dressers, lacy and pastels, tea cups of course, sugar cubes and tons of flowers!

Sunday, I went to lunch with Kalani. I hadn't seen or even really talked to her in three months! Which is probably the longest we've gone without talking, there was no real reason behind it either, we didn't get into a fight or simply drift. We were both just busy, she didn't have her phone and her cousin has basically moved in with her. 

But regardless of the circumstances, it's always nice to see my best friend. Catching up with someone who's outside of my main group of friends is nice, she always gives me an outsiders point of view.

We went to Fig Tree Cafe in PB and although we had slow service the sandwiches were great and it's a really cute cafe! 

Guess this did come out to a weekend recap! Till next time:

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I'm Finally Free

I never understood what bloggers meant when they would slowly stop posting and slowly imply that they may not be around as often. I never understood, for 1. why you'd have to give an explanation as to why you're not coming around to your corner of the internet, you might have interested readers but it's still your place, your place that ended up going public, and 2. how life could not be worth blogging about. It's not that life isn't worth blogging about, because it is! Bloggers (including myself) that disappear from time to time still have their blogs, they want to come back, we want to speak; it's just sometimes you have more to say than you have time for or there's some things you just can't publish. 

At least, that's how I feel. When I'm at school I'm in class or studying - not blogging, when I'm at work I'm definitely not blogging, when I'm with my friends I'm too busy to be blogging, when I come home at night I'm catching up on Scandal or the 100, binge watching Game of Thrones, or hanging out with my family. Leaving little to no time for me to blog - about anything. 

All I've been doing lately is letting go, letting go of my worries and fears. I'm getting drunk with my friends instead of playing babysitter and taking care of everyone like I normally would. I'm jumping in pools and taking my dogs to the beach, kissing a friend and singing along to karaoke, attempting to venture into different areas for my brand, and still getting to work on time and doing my best to pass my classes. 

It's freeing, letting go. My anxiety is at bay and I'm happy. I've spent the last few months stressed from school and work, before that I was broken behind my walls, but now to feel genuinely happy again, I'm free. 

There's so much and so little I feel as if I can do now. The feeling of being in-stoppable and having the world at my fingers tips is pulsing through my veins, encouraging my happiness. Encouraging my to live, to not be so afraid of the world, to stop being so terrified if my life doesn't go as planned, to not be so scared of change and roll with the punches. 

I've been pulled and pushed from so many emotions lately, now that I'm finally happy, I won't let go.  


Thursday, February 12, 2015

The Soldiers or the Rebels

Please excuse me while I've been off being a hopeless romantic - not that my love life has picked it's self up off the metaphorical couch and gotten it's self a life (or, eh love), but I'm finally coming to terms with some feelings of mine that I've pushed away and hidden from myself for so long. Pushed and hidden because every time I've let them into my heart it's been broken. I swear I'm the most guarded hopeless romantic. My heart wants nothing more but to be held and to be safe, yet my head is barricading it's self from as many angles as possible. 

Safety being one of it's weakest barricades. The safety of love, the safety of support, of kindness, of soft kisses, and I love you's. The second my heart sees a glimpse of that safety, it's rebels being tearing down those barricades and some times they are much faster than I expect them to be. 

But how do you tell someone they are your safety? How could you possibly start up a conversation and lead it into that. 

There's only two ways this could go:

The good way: "Hey, can I talk to you about something?" "Sure." - long pause - "I think I may have feelings for you." "You think?" "No, I do. I'm not sure if I've always had them but they're there now and I don't know how you feel about me but I just had to tell you," I say in a rush. - long pause - we talk it over, turns out it's mutual. Ta-da! LOVE WINS.

The bad way: "Hey, can I talk to you about something?" "Sure." - long pause - "I think I may have feelings for you." "You think?" "No, I do. I'm not sure if I've always had them but they're there now and I don't know how you feel about me but I just had to tell you," I say in a rush. - long pause - our friendship becomes awkward and we loose everything between us because I couldn't hold my tongue and wait for him to move away like he's planning to. 

The unsureness of it all is what's keeping the soldiers of my head from letting the barricade fall. 

It's safe to say I'm scared. It's safe to say my heart is begging me to say something, anything. It's also safe to say my head is much stronger than my heart when it comes a love with an expiration date. 

The last time I tried to date someone "for the time being," I ended up in love, heart broken, and tired. I fell in love from the start, that's when my hopeless romanticness kicks in. All of the cliche's about love, I jump into with open arms and try my hardest to keep myself from letting go. Then, when it all begins to end, my heart draws back and the rebels begin to walk back toward the walls, tired of fighting for what they love, and then the soldiers of my head build that barricade back up.

Until the next one rattles the rebels.